It's easy to forget that writing can be a joy. When I started writing creatively, it was only for the love of writing. I had no ambitions of being published or winning writing contests. I wrote for myself. I wrote because it made me happy.
Then, something happened. Something changed me.
Many of my grad school classmates (MFA students) were already published authors, and I felt left behind. I felt as though I wasn't working hard enough. So I began to take online creative writing courses in addition to my grad school courses. I spent hours reading books on craft and style. My head started to spin, and I knew that my motivations had become skewed.
Writing no longer brought joy. It brought anxiety and doubt. Would I ever be published? Should I just quit writing altogether? These were the questions that plagued me on a daily basis.
I started entering writing and poetry contests like mad, and I would often be unable to sleep awaiting the results. I won many of the contests that I entered, but when I didn't win, I would be crushed. I had become obsessed with contests and began to neglect the YA novel that I had spent months drafting. I was stalled at 30,000 words (into my novel), so I concentrated on 300 word flash fiction pieces instead. They were my excuse for not working on the novel.
After months of exhaustion and endless anxiety, I decided that something had to give. I came to the conclusion that if I wasn't writing for fun--first and foremost--there was no point. I would end up drowning myself in self-doubt if I continued on the path I had been on.
A few days after this revelation, I got an acceptance email for 4 of my stories to be published in an anthology by a small, independent press out of Nebraska. In my restlessness, I had forgot that I had even submitted my stories to them months earlier. It was a small victory, but a small victory is victory, right?
So, this November, I will officially be a published writer (creative writer, that is). I wasn't forced to resort to self-publishing. I was chosen by editors who liked my stories enough to publish them. It made me feel as though a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. The burden carried by the unpublished had been taken off my back, and my vision finally cleared. I can now write for the sheer joy of it--and that's what it's all about.
Then, something happened. Something changed me.
Many of my grad school classmates (MFA students) were already published authors, and I felt left behind. I felt as though I wasn't working hard enough. So I began to take online creative writing courses in addition to my grad school courses. I spent hours reading books on craft and style. My head started to spin, and I knew that my motivations had become skewed.
Writing no longer brought joy. It brought anxiety and doubt. Would I ever be published? Should I just quit writing altogether? These were the questions that plagued me on a daily basis.
I started entering writing and poetry contests like mad, and I would often be unable to sleep awaiting the results. I won many of the contests that I entered, but when I didn't win, I would be crushed. I had become obsessed with contests and began to neglect the YA novel that I had spent months drafting. I was stalled at 30,000 words (into my novel), so I concentrated on 300 word flash fiction pieces instead. They were my excuse for not working on the novel.
After months of exhaustion and endless anxiety, I decided that something had to give. I came to the conclusion that if I wasn't writing for fun--first and foremost--there was no point. I would end up drowning myself in self-doubt if I continued on the path I had been on.
A few days after this revelation, I got an acceptance email for 4 of my stories to be published in an anthology by a small, independent press out of Nebraska. In my restlessness, I had forgot that I had even submitted my stories to them months earlier. It was a small victory, but a small victory is victory, right?
So, this November, I will officially be a published writer (creative writer, that is). I wasn't forced to resort to self-publishing. I was chosen by editors who liked my stories enough to publish them. It made me feel as though a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. The burden carried by the unpublished had been taken off my back, and my vision finally cleared. I can now write for the sheer joy of it--and that's what it's all about.
